Interview with Amber - Inspirational!

Meet Amber – lovely woman and belly dancing teacher extraordinaire. You can see Amber and learn more about her work on Facebook: Belly Dance with Amber! North Vancouver Belly Dance. What you’ll notice immediately, is that Amber is one voluptuous, womanly woman. I had the pleasure of sitting down with Amber and asking her a few questions about her dancing, her body, and what wisdom she could impart to my clients and readers.

How did you get started belly dancing?

I started with a course 12 years ago; it was a course at my gym, a cardio fitness class, and I fell in love with it. It was so liberating.

What was it about middle eastern dance that got you so interested?

I think it’s because it’s a celebration of a woman’s body that was so liberating. We come in so many shapes and sizes; it’s very freeing – your body can move in ways you didn’t even know it could. In shimmies you see parts of your body move that you might not be so proud of, but you learn that that’s a beautiful thing. My teacher understood the femininity of the dance and you could feel that when she danced, and I always wanted to carry that with me.

You were 18 when you came to that realization. What else was going on for you at that time?

Lots of trying to find out who I was. I didn’t know where I was going. I was graduating from high school and trying to figure out who and what I was all about. Having a place to go to in such a beautiful way was for me the greatest gift. At that age you’re trying to piece together who you are.

It’s one thing to take classes and it’s another thing to perform. When did that happen for you?

About 4 years into taking classes my teacher asked me to join her performing troop. There were four of us who would perform at local charity events and local events we’d be hired for, some student nights... It’s frightening, but you’re up there and in charge; everyone’s watching you, and it’s such a fantastic experience. It was an opportunity to be proud of who you are and what you’re about. None of us have perfect bodies, we certainly have curves, so getting up there as a troop of girls was very empowering.

How did you escape the cultural pressure to be thin?

It’s a tough one because I am in an industry where people are constantly battling their image. What I learned to do was focus on me and not what everyone else was trying to do. There are definitely other dancers who focus on watching what they eat, counting calories, and they encourage other dancers to do the same. I’ve never been that way. I’ve been able to look at myself and say I feel better when I’m 10 pounds heavier; I fill out my clothes, I don’t weight myself, I eat what I want when I want, I joke about ‘the bigger the belly, the better the belly dancer,’ which may not necessarily be true in our society, but in middle eastern society is definitely the case. The belly accentuates the movement which is elegant and something to be proud of.

Has belly dance given that to you, or did you have that attitude before you started dancing?

I think belly dancing helped me adopt that attitude a little bit more because I gained more confidence and the fact that being a little heavier made me proud of who I am. That carried into my personal life. To be honest, I think men love a curvier woman these days, but it’s really all about how you feel, and I encourage my students to eat and celebrate their bodies, because they’re beautiful.

You seem so comfortable with yourself – what can women do to be comfortable with themselves, and especially their bellies? In my work, that seems to be the target area that drives women absolutely crazy.

I speak to a lot of women who feel that too. The biggest thing is to not focus on our flaws, or what we think are our flaws. Most people don’t notice them. It’s not worth it. What we think are our flaws may actually be things that others admire. Don’t be hard on yourself – that’s the key.

Thanks, Amber, for your words, your strength, and for being an inspiration to all women, big and small. We could all benefit greatly from adopting a positive attitude about our bodies and natural, varying shapes.

'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance.’

Your Attention, Please

As the parent of a busy 10-year-old with a predilection for anything screen-related, I find myself thinking about our ability, or lack thereof, to pay close attention to our world. Think about it: which way does the Queen or Abe Lincoln face on the penny? Without looking at your watch, can you picture its face? Are all the numbers identified? So much of our everyday life goes unnoticed. I find this fascinating, dismaying, and a concept worth our attention.

Current research on multi-tasking and the brain is revealing that although we may think we’re good at it, we actually can’t pay attention to more than one thing at a time very well at all.  Our brains are evolving to switch from one task to another at a faster speed, but we focus on one thing at a time, even if it’s only for a second or two. So, you may think that you’re instant messaging, watching TV, eating, and doing homework simultaneously, but your brain is compartmentalizing each task. Don't you feel badly for your poor overworked brain? It has so much to do!

Current clinical research is also showing therapeutic benefits to mindfulness training. Mindfulness is a big buzz-word these days in psychology, although the techniques have been used in many cultures for thousands of years. Mindfulness is awareness of the current moment with acceptance (Germer, Siegel, Fulton, 2005). Mindful awareness involves being exquisitely conscious of what you’re doing as you’re doing it. It means being present, fully engaged, and nonjudgmental. From this place of being, it becomes easy to know who you are and where you belong. Training your brain to focus on just one thing for an extended period of time has energizing and stress-relieving effects.

Slow down. Pay attention. When you're brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth. When you're talking to a friend on the phone, sit down and listen. Notice your thoughts and feelings without judging their “goodness” or “badness.” I know, I know... easier said than done, but worth the effort it takes to appreciate the moment.

Love,

Ellen

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anxiety: understandable and manageable

Dear Ellen:

My worrying is really starting to take over my life. I worry about everything – school, friends, appearance, job, the weather, you name it. I especially worry about social situations. I wonder if I’ll have a good time, whether people will like me or if they’ll think I’m boring or stupid. Sometimes I get so worked up before having to go somewhere that I feel like I’m having a panic attack. Why am I like this and what should I do?

Worried in Vancouver

Dear Worried:

Anxiety is part of the broad spectrum of human emotion, which in part answers the “why am I like this” question. Everyone gets anxious at times; what differentiates “normal” from “pathological” anxiety is the intensity of your symptoms, whether or not they are justifiable, and the consequences of your symptoms in terms of your ability to function and have satisfactory relationships.

Here is something to keep in mind:  the autonomic nervous system is divided in two parts, the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The former is in charge of the “fight or flight” response and the physical experience of anxiety – sweaty palms, shallow breathing, butterflies in your stomach, lump in your throat, etc. The parasympathetic branch does the opposite – it slows things down, and calms and quiets the body so that it can relax, digest, and conserve energy. These two divisions are like a seesaw – when one is up, the other is down; they cannot be activated simultaneously. In other words, you can’t be anxious and relaxed at the same time. Therefore, it’s important to have good relaxation strategies at your disposal that you can use on command. The best and easiest strategy to deal with physical symptoms of anxiety is to breathe slowly and deeply.  Notice how your body feels after five deep belly breaths. Just sending your awareness to your breath can have dramatic effects on your anxiety.

From a cognitive perspective, anxiety thoughts are always future-oriented. Anxiety results when you visualize the future and assume something bad is going to happen. This may be based on past experience, but the fact is, that’s history and isn’t happening now, and your future is unwritten. Stay in the moment. Who can you be and what can you do right now so that your present world is a positive place to be?

Noticing what’s happening in your body and mind is an important tactic for managing anxiety. Be nice to yourself and remind yourself that some anxiety is normal and useful. Bring yourself back to the present moment and note the difference between what's happening here and now and the dire future you're predicting. And don’t forget to breathe.

hope this helps -

Ellen

I Drink, Therefore I...?

Dear Ellen:

I didn’t think I had a problem with alcohol, but now I think maybe I do. I’ve been doing better with bingeing and purging, but it seems that every time I go out drinking, I end up throwing up either because I’ve had too much to drink, or I lose control of my eating and binge.  I try to plan for my party nights by eating less during the day so I can save my calories for my drinks. This probably isn’t a good idea, but I can’t seem to limit myself to one or two. Do I need to give up alcohol too?

Trying to be good –

G.C., North Vancouver

Dear G.C.:

Alcohol poses challenges for many individuals, especially those who have eating issues. I don’t think alcohol is a bad drug, but it can definitely be used badly. It sounds like you need to examine your relationship with it and ask yourself how it fits in your life during this early stage of your recovery.

Alcohol falls under the category of “depressant” drugs, which may seem illogical, as we tend to be more inclined to engage in social behaviours when we’ve imbibed.  It makes sense, however, when you take into account that alcohol first dampens activity in those areas of the cortex that normally inhibit our behaviour.  With those control centers less responsive to our internal commands, we are more likely to act on our impulses. Coupled with a shaky sense of commitment toward ending bingeing and purging, alcohol can certainly amplify the triggers of these unwanted behaviours, especially if you’ve had an emotional night, or if you’ve been restricting your food intake.

Your efforts to “save your calories during the day” is clearly contributing to your problem. Counting calories is a compulsion or habit that I encourage everyone I work with to immediately and completely stop. It is of the utmost importance that your nutritional needs are met throughout your waking hours. Substituting alcohol for food is simply not an option for recovery.

Drinking to get drunk, like bingeing and purging, is effective only as a temporary escape or avoidance of what’s present in your life. Have you thought about why you feel you need to drink as much as you do when you go out? What are you trying to accomplish? Who are you hoping to become through drinking? What do you like about this alter ego? What don’t you like about you?

I don’t necessarily believe in complete abstinence when it comes to alcohol; like with certain “treat” foods, you need to find a way to integrate it into your life in a way that is healthy and satisfying. If limiting your intake still poses a problem for you, then we’ll need to rethink our strategy.

Have fun and stay safe –

Ellen

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