Smart Fish Don’t Take The Bait

Dear Ellen:

My family is having a barbecue this weekend for Canada Day, and I’m terrified that I will end up bingeing and purging as usual. Whenever we all get together, something happens that gets me stressed, and there’s always so much food around I lose control. I’m thinking that I shouldn’t even go. What should I do?

Afraid of my family, Vancouver

Dear AOMF:

Part of recovery is being able to relax around food at social gatherings, and being able to participate in family events without triggering symptoms. Remember: you didn’t always have an eating disorder, and you were once able to eat naturally with your family. You can do this again. Don’t restrict during the day so that you don’t arrive too famished and unable to think clearly. This will be an opportunity for you to put everything you’ve learned in therapy into action.

I’d like you to keep this visual in mind when you’re at the potentially stressful event: picture yourself as a fish, swimming in water – sometimes deep, sometimes shallow, sometimes clear, and others, murky. A fish’s job is to survive, and to do so, it needs to be able to distinguish between the food that will nourish it, and the bait that will cause it great harm.

Although you are putting effort into changing your behaviour patterns, your family members may not follow suit. In fact, you may find that out of frustration, they actually step up their efforts to get a reaction from you. This is especially prevalent in families where the dynamics include dramatic emotional displays and heated arguments.

Your family is what it is; each and every member has his or her issues and quirks. Practice acceptance, be a smart fish and don’t rise to the bait, and make a pleasant and memorable holiday for yourself. I have no doubt that you can successfully navigate these waters.

With Love,

Ellen

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