Your Progress, Not Mine

Dear Ellen:

We’ve been working together for almost a year now, and I’ve made progress, but I’m still bingeing and purging sometimes. I feel like I’m disappointing you or that you’re going to be frustrated with me if I tell you that I’ve had a slip.

Trying Hard, North Vancouver

Dear TH:

If I have EVER given you the impression that I am frustrated with or disappointed in you, then I am very, very sorry! I take this very seriously, as there is no place for judgment in my role as your therapist. I can only hope that your thoughts stem from your mind, and not any specific behaviour you’ve observed in me.

Then again, I’m not perfect.

I’m an emotional person and can definitely be reactive. I often wonder if I hadn’t trained as a therapist, how my adult personality would have evolved. I try very hard to put the skills I’ve learned into practice in my personal life:  acceptance, nonjudgment, rational thinking, mindfulness... I am a work in progress as we all are, but I know I handle things much better than I did as a young adult.

If I express frustration, I hope it’s because I share your own frustration with you. By the same token, I celebrate your success with you – it is yours, not mine. Change is hard, and it’s often a “two steps forward, one step back” progression that can feel painfully slow at times. It takes as long as it takes. There are no deadlines; it’s not a race. Remember always that you are in therapy for yourself, not anyone else.  The gains you make are because of your hard work and because you respect and love yourself enough to know you deserve a better life for yourself.  I have no expectations other than you remain hopeful and committed to the process.

Sincerely and With Love,

Ellen

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