You are Incomparable

Dear Ellen:

With summer here (sort of), I find myself comparing my body even more to others, especially at the beach. It seems like I was doing better with this until skimpy clothing season arrived. Am I always going to be like this? How can I get myself to stop the comparing habit?

E.B., Vancouver

Dear E.B.:

Self-other comparison is a difficult habit to break, because it is natural to observe others in our environment and have our attention diverted to ‘attractive’ individuals (isn’t that what the word ‘attractive’ means?). What’s most important here is getting hold of your automatic negative thoughts about yourself when you’re out and about in the world.

Here are a few things to keep in mind. First, know that you are part of a diverse and beautiful landscape that is yours to appreciate. Isn’t it amazing that each and every one of has a unique face and figure? And isn’t it possible that while you are wishing you could look like that person over there, there’s a person over here who is wishing she could look like you? I hear you saying “no” to yourself, but that’s an undeniable truth worthy of your acceptance.

Also, keep in mind that although someone may appear, on the surface, to be quite beautiful and to have it all together, you can’t assume that the person whose body you admire is any happier or more successful than you. You don’t know how hard she works at that appearance or what unhealthy behaviours she may be struggling with as well.  Given the parade of gorgeous young women that appear in my office, it’s possible that she’s my client too. Think about that.

Now, picture yourself at 80. What will you look like then? How will your body feel? What would your 80-year-old self want you to feel at this moment in time? No doubt she would want you to enjoy your youth: the strength and flexibility that allows you to dance and play sports with energy and exuberance. Have you heard the expression, “you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone”? It’s so true – now is the time for you to make the most of who you are in the body you have.  While you are comparing yourself to everyone else, your life is happening; be here now and make the most of it.

With love,

Ellen

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