Do you buy this?

Dear Ellen:

My binge eating is pretty well under control lately, but I’m overspending again. It seems like I can always rationalize my purchases, and I’m not getting myself into debt like I did before, but I know I’m buying things I don’t really need and spending money that could be put to better use. It’s like, when I feel something is missing inside, I try to make everything all polished and shiny on the outside. Why do I need to be the trendiest person around? Any advice would be appreciated.

E.W., Vancouver

Dear E.W.:

Good for you for recognizing a problematic behavior before it becomes too problematic, and your insight with respect to inside vs. outside is brilliant. That’s progress!

Do you notice the similarity between spending and bingeing on food? It's interesting, isn't it?  When you're focused on acquiring things, like with food, you're trying to fill an emotional void. Since what you really need to do is feel your feelings, there aren't enough things in the world to satisfy you. Can you work on appreciating what you have rather than thinking about what you don't have? Can you replace your "I need" statements with "I want" or "I desire"? When you realize that you have everything you really need, you may be able to withhold from spending on more stuff. There will always be cool, cute, trendy things to buy. You don't need them all right now. Challenge yourself to have spend-free days.

What do you think is “missing inside”? A sense of confidence and security, perhaps? Who are you trying to be? What are your expectations of yourself? Are they reasonable or perfectionistic? When you’re considering buying that outfit or object for your house, ask yourself “how will this make me a better person?” Chances are, when you answer that question, you’ll leave the store with your credit card unswiped.

With love,

Ellen

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