Pain vs. Suffering

Buddhism and Kabbalah are among the spiritual disciplines teach us that life is painful, but there is relief from associated suffering. It’s important to distinguish between pain and suffering, terms that are often used interchangeably in everyday language. “Pain” is a reaction to a naturally uncomfortable experience. Loss is painful. Rejection is painful. In one fascinating study, researchers found that perceived rejection activated the same brain areas associated with physical pain.  This experience appears to be beyond our conscious control. “Suffering,” however, is the prolonged discomfort that results from the resistance to feeling pain. Suffering is voluntary, and, therefore, is preventable.

We often approach our daily lives with the mindset of avoiding pain at all costs. And the moment we do feel it, we immediately look for ways to anesthetize ourselves. How do you avoid pain? Do you binge and purge? Diet or exercise in earnest? Drink or take drugs? In our efforts to control or eliminate pain, we risk creating bigger problems for ourselves in the future. Pain is inevitable and transitory, but suffering keeps us stuck.

It seems counterintuitive, but when you experience your authentic emotional pain, you suffer less. Letting go of your control strategies aimed at reducing emotional pain brings with it the bonus of reduced additional suffering. Letting go of diet mentality, bingeing and purging, drinking and drugging, means leaving yourself vulnerable to feeling your feelings, your fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and boredom, but without the associated guilt, shame, and self-loathing that your control strategies cause you to suffer. You can trust that  you will not be annihilated by your pain when you open yourself up to experiencing it. You can accept and be present for all of your life experiences; there is value and meaning in both the sweet and the bitter.

“One’s suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields – even to sadness.”

---Antoine de Saint-Exupery

With Love,

Ellen

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