Where Are We Now?

I took my eating disorder recovery group on a retreat this past weekend to the Xenia Centre on Bowen Island. It was the first time I ever led such an event, and a weekend of many firsts for us as a group. We hiked around the lake, meditatively walked a labyrinth, did yoga, Nia danced, watched the chick-flick classic, “Thelma and Louise”, and, of course, ate meals together. Working together through some anxious moments of ED-intrusion, we all shared two days of healthy, mindful, and compassionate self-care. As leader and guide, I found myself overwhelmed with emotion by the end of our journey: am I doing enough for these women who mean so much to me? Have I adequately shown them how much better life can be free of disordered eating? What will they take with them from this experience? Will they continue to feed themselves this way – with attention and kindness? It was difficult to part company and let them go, knowing that each would have challenges that Sunday evening, but I accept that there’s only so much that I can do for and with them; what they choose to make of the experience and the rest of their lives is their decision only. When I look back on the days of my treatment and recovery, I remember having many insightful, “A-ha!” moments, only to return to my “real” world of bingeing, purging, starving, and misery. It took time, patience, and persistence to make those insights stick, to acquire enough positive experiences and memories to tip the scales (no pun intended), and keep me inspired to choose recovery over ED every day, every meal, regardless of the stresses and challenges that life offered.

 

In their new book, 8 Keys to Recovery From An Eating Disorder, which I highly recommend, Carolyn Costin and Gwen Schubert Grabb identify ten phases of eating disorder recovery, and they list some thoughts or feelings which are typical for that phase:

  1. I Don’t Think I Have a Problem
  2. I Might Have a Problem But It’s Not That Bad
  3. I Have a Problem But I Don’t Care
  4. I Want To Change But I Don’t Know How and I’m Scared
  5. I Tried To Change But I Couldn’t
  6. I Can Stop Some of the Behaviors But Not All of them
  7. I Can Stop the Behaviors, But Not My Thoughts
  8. I Am Often Free From Behaviors and Thoughts, But Not All the Time
  9. I am Free From Behaviors and Thoughts
  10. I am Recovered

Where are you on the path to recovery? What number on this list can you identify with? If the women in my group are at 6 or 7, that’s where they are, and that’s fine for now. They had two days to taste a different slice of life that no one can ever take from them. I will continue to walk alongside them as they make their way forward toward true recovery.

What does it mean to be recovered? Costin writes:

“Being recovered is when the person can accept his or her natural body size and shape and no longer has a self-destructive relationship with food or exercise. When you are recovered, food and weight take a proper perspective in your life, and what you weigh is not more important than who you are; in fact, actual numbers are of little or no importance at all. When recovered, you will not compromise your health or betray your soul to look a certain way, wear a certain size, or reach a certain number on the scale. When you are recovered, you do not use eating disorder behaviours to deal with, distract from, or cope with other problems “ (100 Questions and Answers About Eating Disorders, p. 164).

This is where you are going, and where you can be. Maybe not today, but perhaps today you can get one step closer, climb one more rung on the ladder of recovery. I did it. And If I could do it, you can too.

 

With Love,

Ellen

 

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