I'm Not Motivated 

Dear Ellen:

Why is it that I have so much trouble motivating myself to do what I have to do? I know I should do a number of things: give up my eating disorder, exercise regularly, call my friends... but most of the time I sit around telling myself what I should be doing but not doing it. Do you have any suggestions?

Stuck

Dear Stuck:

I'm not particularly Freudian in my approach to therapy, but I find a Freudian concept to be very useful when it comes to motivation. It goes something like this: "There is no such thing as being unmotivated. Everyone is perfectly motivated to do whatever it is they are doing at any given time." With this in mind, the question is not 'why am I unmotivated?' but rather, 'what motivates me right now?' It is likely that you are ambivalent about change, and it is important to understand what is pulling you in either direction. Giving up your eating disorder, for example, is obviously a positive thing to do for yourself. It will lead to better health, clearer thinking, and significantly more energy to put into activities that will make you feel better about yourself. But it's a frightening proposition as well. How would you identify yourself without your eating disorder? What would you do with the time you spend on it? What would your expectations be for yourself? Sometimes maintaining the status quo, albeit an unhealthy one, seems to be the more attractive choice. The key to change is tipping the scales so that you truly feel ready, willing, and able to motivate yourself to action. 

You used the word "should" twice in your short note. Most everyone who works with me knows that I consider this to be a word best left out of your vocabulary. I'm sure I will write more about this another time. For now, try replacing your "I shoulds" with "I want to," "I will," or "I can" and see how this changes your feelings of motivation. In my experience, becoming aware of this element of self-talk and concerted practice replacing it with more positive self-statements, can have profound effects on emotion and behavior. 

You can do it!

Yours,

Ellen