a few thoughts on facebook

Dear Ellen:

I met a guy at a bar a couple of weeks ago, and we seemed to hit it off, but he hasn’t “friended” me yet on Facebook.  I can’t stop thinking that there’s something wrong with me and I’ll never be in a real relationship. What should I do?

A.J.

Dear A.J.:

The fact that this guy hasn’t connected with you on Facebook says absolutely nothing about you as a person and potential partner. The fact that you’re anxious about his online absence says something else.

I’d like to say a few words about the Facebook phenomenon, which I feel has both positive and negative aspects to it. I’ve been on Facebook for about a year now, and find myself happily reconnected with some wonderful people from my past, and somewhat closer with important people in my life, but I’ve noticed also that there are others on my friend list who I admit I was content to leave behind many years ago. I feel sometimes that my Facebook world is cluttered with self-tests, videos I don’t have time to watch, and *&$@! Farmville updates.

It seems that some people are downright competitive when it comes to acquiring “friends;” they feel the more they have the more validated they themselves are. Facebook has brought up some challenging boundary issues as well. Some of my clients have tried to “friend” me (I still find using ‘friend’ as a verb rather awkward), which is a blatant breach of professional boundaries.  It’s also important to think about how you’re exposing your life to the online world through photos and posts.  I’ve had more than one client talk to me about her regret over having revealed details of her life to virtual strangers. Then there are clients who have used the word “addicted” to describe their Facebook habit. Can it be healthy to use all the time you have for socializing, sitting in front of a screen?

I may be too old to think otherwise, but I believe sharing real, audible laughter with friends will always be better than reading someone’s LOLs. My feeling, however, is that online social networking is here to stay, and we need to find a way to integrate it into our lives in a way that is psychologically manageable.

And A.J., we’ll talk about you in the office, face to face.

Ellen