don't just do something...

Dear Ellen:

I’m really trying to beat bulimia; it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. At times I really think I’m going crazy and just don’t know what to do with myself. Like when I come home from work and have nothing planned, or when I have the weekend ahead of me with not much to do, or when I’ve gone out with friends, eaten too much (I think), and come home. I’m so used to filling up my time with bingeing and purging. I need some suggestions for what to do.

Thanks,

T.S.

Thanks for writing, T.S. Your situation sounds very familiar, and I have a few things to offer you to think about.

First, I could send you a long list of things you could do instead of bingeing and purging – take a bath, take a walk, write a letter, etc..., but it’s important to understand that none of these activities will ever feel like b&p. They are unique in their effect on your brain and body, like cocaine or heroin. You know that engaging in these behaviours will give you a temporary feeling of relief or euphoria, but will then leave you with guilt, shame, and self-loathing. It’s just not worth it, is it? The behaviour you choose to fill your time has to be meaningful to you and you alone. If you enjoy dancing, then dance. If you like to write, then write. And if you want to do nothing, sometimes that’s the very best course of action you can take.

There’s a moment in the 1951 Disney version of Alice in Wonderland when the perpetually time-challenged White Rabbit exclaims “Don’t just do something, stand there!” There is tremendous wisdom in these words.

When you have the urge to binge and/or purge, you are reacting to feelings that you’re not used to fully experiencing. You’ve established these food-related behaviours as a temporary solution to your internal discomfort. Instead of struggling with what you could do instead of eating, what is most helpful is that you be with yourself and your feelings and stop trying to escape yourself. Sounds simple? It’s not, but it gets easier with practice.

I have words of wisdom from another great sage, Jedi Master Yoda: “Do, or do not. There is no try.” I’ll leave that for another time.