anxiety: understandable and manageable

Dear Ellen:

My worrying is really starting to take over my life. I worry about everything – school, friends, appearance, job, the weather, you name it. I especially worry about social situations. I wonder if I’ll have a good time, whether people will like me or if they’ll think I’m boring or stupid. Sometimes I get so worked up before having to go somewhere that I feel like I’m having a panic attack. Why am I like this and what should I do?

Worried in Vancouver

Dear Worried:

Anxiety is part of the broad spectrum of human emotion, which in part answers the “why am I like this” question. Everyone gets anxious at times; what differentiates “normal” from “pathological” anxiety is the intensity of your symptoms, whether or not they are justifiable, and the consequences of your symptoms in terms of your ability to function and have satisfactory relationships.

Here is something to keep in mind:  the autonomic nervous system is divided in two parts, the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The former is in charge of the “fight or flight” response and the physical experience of anxiety – sweaty palms, shallow breathing, butterflies in your stomach, lump in your throat, etc. The parasympathetic branch does the opposite – it slows things down, and calms and quiets the body so that it can relax, digest, and conserve energy. These two divisions are like a seesaw – when one is up, the other is down; they cannot be activated simultaneously. In other words, you can’t be anxious and relaxed at the same time. Therefore, it’s important to have good relaxation strategies at your disposal that you can use on command. The best and easiest strategy to deal with physical symptoms of anxiety is to breathe slowly and deeply.  Notice how your body feels after five deep belly breaths. Just sending your awareness to your breath can have dramatic effects on your anxiety.

From a cognitive perspective, anxiety thoughts are always future-oriented. Anxiety results when you visualize the future and assume something bad is going to happen. This may be based on past experience, but the fact is, that’s history and isn’t happening now, and your future is unwritten. Stay in the moment. Who can you be and what can you do right now so that your present world is a positive place to be?

Noticing what’s happening in your body and mind is an important tactic for managing anxiety. Be nice to yourself and remind yourself that some anxiety is normal and useful. Bring yourself back to the present moment and note the difference between what's happening here and now and the dire future you're predicting. And don’t forget to breathe.

hope this helps -

Ellen