Prepare to Give Thanks

Dear Ellen:

Thanksgiving is coming up and I’m terrified of having dinner with my family. I’m working on my recovery from bulimia and have been able to go 5 days in a row without bingeing and purging. There will be tons of food on the table, and everyone will be watching to see what I’m eating and if I go into the bathroom after dinner. How can I get through the day without messing up?

R.D., Vancouver

Dear R.D.:

Holidays can be stressful times for individuals with eating disorders. Try to remember that the holiday is an opportunity to be with people you love and who love you, and to reflect on what you’re thankful for. Notice your anxiety-producing thoughts and try not to react to them with negative thoughts and behaviors. First, make sure that you nourish yourself adequately throughout the day; approaching the big meal feeling ravenous will increase the likelihood of overeating when you finally allow yourself some food. Ask yourself, "has 'saving' my calories worked for me in the past?" It's unlikely. Next, there will be an abundance of food available, but remember that you don’t need to eat it all at one sitting! Pay attention to your hunger and fullness signals, and eat accordingly. My general rule of thumb regarding portions is “start small and allow yourself seconds.” This way, you get to taste everything and then decide what, if anything, you would like more of. By employing this rule, you won’t feel guilty for taking more because you’ve already allowed yourself a second portion beforehand. After eating, try to do something relaxing and distracting - go for a walk, play a game with another guest, help with the dishes. Remember that the uncomfortably full feeling you are experiencing will dissipate in an hour or two.

It’s also true that the family members who know of your struggle with bulimia will most likely be monitoring your eating and bathroom behaviour. This is to be expected – they care about you. I understand that you will feel self-conscious, but this is temporary. As you free yourself from your eating disorder, it will become less and less of a family issue each holiday season.

Remember, not every day is Thanksgiving. “Normal” eating means having the flexibility to enjoy a large meal on occasion. Can you visualize yourself sitting at the table, enjoying the special meal, engaging in conversation, and feeling peaceful and content? It can be like that if you want it to be.

Make this a Thanksgiving to really be thankful for.

Love,

Ellen

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