Just Read This

I’m having issues with the word “just.”

If I could just ____________________

Just don’t eat __________________

Just stop eating

Just eat

Why does this bother me? As a clinician trained in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, I’m acutely aware of the impact language has on one’s feeling-state. A “just” statement is followed by an unsaid “then” statement. “If I could just lose the weight, then I’d be happy.” “Just eat, then everything will be okay.” “Just stop eating, then you’ll be in control.” In other words, “just” implies a simple, global solution to very complex human problems. I don’t like it.

You put yourself down with “just” statements. You make yourself feel guilty for not doing the one right thing that will dig yourself out of the hole you created for yourself. You admonish yourself for your stupidity, your laziness, your ineptitude.  Think about it – are you really stupid, lazy, and inept? I doubt it.  It’s more likely that you’re anxious, fearful, angry, disappointed, hurt, confused, lonely, bored, insecure, or feeling any number of unidentified emotions that lead you to poor self-care.

Listen to how you talk to yourself. Note your “just” statements. How do they make you feel? Do they motivate you to make decisions that feel good to you? When you eliminate “just,” do you notice a change in your emotional climate?

With Love,

Ellen

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