Who’s Really Watching?

I received a few questions after my last post on how to go about accepting a difficult thought, feeling, or situation. I had meant to write “Acceptance – Part II” but something else caught my attention that I wanted to write about.

I was looking forward to meeting my friend for breakfast, when, while I was pulling into the restaurant, she called to say she had a dead car battery and couldn’t make it. I was hungry and didn’t want to drive all the way back home, so I stayed and decided to use the opportunity to “practice what I preach,” and mindfully eat my meal in public. I ordered eggs, toast, hash browns, coffee, and grapefruit juice. I considered tomato slices instead of the potatoes, but decided that I was really hungry. In a past life, this would never have happened. Like so many of the people that I currently work with, I would have been painfully self-conscious about not only eating while others were present, but eating anything that might be deemed unhealthy, fattening, or excessive in any way. I wouldn’t want to be seen as having less than perfect self-control.

My order was placed in front of me and I looked around – was anyone watching? No. Did my server give me a disapproving look? No. I dug in. After a few slow, mindful bites, noticing the taste, texture, and temperature of my food, and listening for the voice of Ed, a.k.a. “Eating Disorder,” I was happy to find that he really wasn’t present at my table. It was just me there, nourishing myself and feeling good, although a bit disappointed not to have the company of my good friend. After a few satisfying minutes, I took my iTouch out of my purse and played Scrabble while I finished my breakfast. Mindful eating is an important exercise when battling with Ed, but it can also be pretty boring.

I encourage those of you who struggle with self-consciousness when it comes to eating in public to do what I did: have a meal on your own. Acknowledge your insecurities and see what happens – or what doesn’t – when you satisfy your appetite and take care of your very human needs. Go ahead – the only important person watching is you.

With love,

Ellen

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