Protect Yourself

“Everything is about protecting the eating disorder.”

Did she really just say that? Did I hear her correctly? We were finishing up the session and discussing how she needed to take care of some insurance paperwork, when those words were spoken. I needed to stop and think and I’ve been processing that statement ever since. Here’s my analysis.

I don’t think she meant it the way it came out, but in a Freudian-slip kind of way, it was profoundly revealing. My client has been chronically bulimic and anorexic for many years, and I do believe that she, like some others I meet in my office, protects her eating disorder with a degree of ferocity – like an animal protects her young. Although she is now experiencing inarguable physical effects from her eating habits, encouragement to change is still met with intense resistance, fear, panic, dread, and a myriad of excuses as to why it’s not possible for her. “It’s too much.” “But I’ve been living like this for so long.” “I can’t even think about that.” “I can’t.”

The thought of never again being able to engage in any of your “bad” behaviours – starving, stuffing, purging, drinking, drugging, smoking, cutting, hair pulling, nail biting, etc., etc., etc.,  is frightening, maybe overwhelmingly so, and perhaps even depressing. These are outlets that in the past have offered you comfort and soothing in times of stress. The problem is that they’re limited in their effectiveness over time, and eventually cause more anxiety than they manage – not to mention the health problems they cause as well.

There are few things in life more difficult than letting go of a love relationship that is no longer healthy.

So what’s the solution? Let’s start with awareness. How are you protecting your symptoms? What do you do to ensure that they’ll stay close by? What are your reactions to thoughts of change? And what’s the smallest thing you’re willing to do today to move yourself through your feelings and forward on the path of recovery? You need only think about today, right now. Remember, there’s YOU and there’s what you DO. Your compulsive behaviours don’t need protecting, but you do, and you’re worth that effort.

With love,

Ellen

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