the opposite of love is not hate

Dear Ellen:

I don’t understand what you mean when you say I may be protecting my eating disorder. I hate my eating disorder! I don’t want to have an eating disorder! I’m feeling very frustrated and wonder if I’m going to be this way for the rest of my life.

PH, North Vancouver

Dear PH:

I’m sorry that you’re feeling frustrated. Recovery is a difficult process and a lifelong pursuit. Things will change: first, because they always do, and second, because you have everything you need to effect change in your life. I say this with the utmost confidence in you and anyone else who struggles with an eating disorder.

Consider this quote: “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference...” Elie Wiesel, author, Nobel laureate, Holocaust survivor.

I believe that passion feeds and fuels your eating disorder. Hating and raging against it may not be the best strategy toward freeing yourself from it. Knowing that you are a person who feels hatred and rage makes you feel shame and guilt, feelings that perpetuate self-punishing behaviours. I believe that acceptance – of how the symptoms came into your life, how they’ve helped you get through difficult times, and accepting that while they’re no longer useful, they are also a real, inescapable part of your history - may help you let go. In addition, daily practice in accepting your body as it is, your hunger as part of your humanness, and your emotions, both positive and negative, as natural and necessary for the full experience of life, will set you free.

Please don’t misunderstand – I want you to experience the passionate life; to channel energy toward pursuits that engage, enthral, and enlighten you. But please exercise caution when directing that passion toward your eating disorder. Practicing indifference toward it may serve you much better.

With love,

Ellen

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