What does it take to recover?

It is estimated that 50% of sufferers recover from disordered eating, while another 30% make some improvement, and 20% lead lives defined by their problematic relationship with food and their bodies. I am grateful to belong in the recovered category, although I wonder, at times, what differentiates me and my cohorts from those who feel recovery is beyond their reach. In all honesty, and I’m NOT fishing for a compliment here, I don’t consider myself that special when it comes to how I beat my eating disorder. Okay, I’m special in that I’m a unique human being, but all of us can make that claim. So, what characteristics do I possess or did I develop that allowed me to free myself from eating disorder slavery?

Here’s a small piece of history. Many, many years ago, I trained for and ran a marathon. At the time, in terms of my eating disorder, I was still quite obsessive, but I was able to put aside anorexia and bulimia for the most part, and channel to channel that obsession into running for the better part of a year. Finishing the race was one of the purest, proudest moments of my life. Training for it taught me so much about dedication, discipline, and commitment. Even as a very experienced eating disordered person who could subsist on a few hundred calories a day, or force herself to vomit at will, I didn’t know I possessed those qualities. The marathon was one of the first things I did for myself, not because someone else told me I should, or because I wanted to make a certain impression on anyone. I did it for me and on my terms. Fortunately or unfortunately, after the race, I hung up my running shoes and returned to my pathological eating habits. After a few more years of hanging out with Ana and Mia, when I finally made the decision to abolish them from my life, I drew strength from the knowledge that I could commit to a goal and with enough focused effort, I would cross the finish line.

One does not need to be a great athlete to run 26.2 miles. A person needs to have patience, perseverance, and resolute determination to finish the task at hand. Recovery is an endurance event that requires daily training; at times it comes easy, and at others it’s utterly exhausting. What I’m trying to convey is that if I could do it, so can you. Sign yourself up for the recovery race, commit to your training schedule, and go.

With Love,

Ellen

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